The strong woman chants, “I don’t need a man to make me feel complete.”
This mantra is powerful. It speaks of self-sufficiency and sexuality. I hear its cries everywhere, confirmed by feminists wielding vibrators, or children, or simply their own selves.
Certainly, I am a feminist. And I am a woman. And I don’t need a man to feel “complete.” But I find this mantra dangerous because it generates women averse to loneliness. Fearful of admitting it, lest it make them seem weak.
If it’s true to you, then you can say it: “I would love a boyfriend right now.” “I could use someone to cuddle with tonight.” “I wish I were in a long-term relationship.”
“I feel lonely.”
Because sometimes, it’s true. I consider myself a strong women but I don’t believe that my desire to love and be loved makes me any less so. A few weeks back, I was content with innocent flirtation and a good self-bang once in a while. But now I want a man to gaze at me with all the black-and-white feeling of an old Hollywood romance.
So right now, I do need a man to make me feel complete. Because for me a life without love is incomplete. What makes me still a feminist is not that I don’t need a man but that I choose what sort of man I need. I don’t take just anyone who will have me. I control who has access to my heart. And though currently I do “need” someone to have access to it, I retain the self-respect that tells me to wait for somebody who is worth it. I am not condemning those who seek casual hook-ups --- I encourage the woman’s power to make that choice, as much as I wish to be empowered in my choice to have a gorgeous, pathetic, googly-eyed romance.
I’ll admit it, and I will not be ashamed: I’m lonely.
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