Dirty Beginnings

I'd feel worse about swallowing if they were really that cute.

 Dearest readers, who I hope will soon exist and multiply much like the wee zygote  described below: 

I decided to start my blog at the very beginning. Here, I present to you the roots of this wonderfully disgusting human named Nat. 

         

My fascination with sex began when I was five years old, when my mother plopped me down in front of the TV and popped in a VHS about conception. I remember gazing up at those cartoon sperm, their little animated faces guiding me through the fallopian tubes, and becoming utterly enraptured. I followed their cheery eyes and swishy tails to the egg and watched its conqueror swell into an increasingly familiar-looking creature. Tiny features formed from the fleshy lump until the wee alien-- as an eager sperm popped into the screen to inform me-- was ready to emerge. I watched in awe as the divine cartoon slit birthed the creature.  

            From that day forth, five-year-old me decided she wanted to be an OBGYN when she grew up. While other kids were lost in glamorous fantasies of futures as movie stars and firefighters, I could see nothing better than plunging my hands into a warm orifice to coax out that small mass of life.

            Fast forward seven years: one hearty dose of pubescence and I discover that I’m far more interested in the other end of the baby-making process. Sure, everybody is fascinated by sex at that age. But me? I was obsessed. Not so much with doing it myself --- I knew I wasn’t ready yet (not to mention I was dorky, lanky, and completely confused). I was more interested in amassing an arsenal of knowledge, of understanding every aspect of the process, how anatomy met anatomy in an exchange that seemed to me simultaneously glorious and degenerate.

Nobody was a more committed sex ed student. My eyes were glued to the banana as our balding teacher rolled a condom onto it. Face correctly. Pinch the tip. Roll down.

Got it. 

            I’m older now and sex fascinates me no less.  Outside the bounds of public school sex ed and the shared home computer, I oft troll the internet for all sorts of smut. Sometimes, I’ll stumble upon something new --- some position, some pleasure point --- and feel, again, like that child who stared at the cartoon sperm with drool trickling down her chin.

 It was awesome. Sex is awesome. Because when you mix raw emotion with pounding, vulnerable bodies, exuding fluids, cries, and the most feral of our souls, you get something so dark and delicious that it’s almost unfathomable. And that, I think, is what I picked up on when I watched that pivotal VHS. I knew that what I was seeing came about of something secret and beautiful, an exchange of the most intimate parts of ourselves. That secret is what has seduced me for life.

Future readers, help me get to know you! 
When did you first discover sexuality? What prompted your interest? Are you as utterly  depraved as I am?